mic check 1 hour before showtime
(contax 645, ilford delta 3200)
“I don’t want perfect, I want honest.” ~ Unknown
I tend to dwell on what I don’t do well as a mother rather than what I do. My little one was star of the week in her kindergarten classroom, and I thought I was ahead of the game, having her fill out her questionnaire and collect her favorite toys and books and printing photos to share. That is until I volunteered in her classroom and saw last week’s star of the week. Oy. Four times as many photos as my little one, and too many books/trophies/toys to count. (Sigh.)
I’m not the best at journaling what my kids say and do. I haven’t finished my little one’s baby book. I never did a kids’ growth chart in a doorway of my home. For some reason the fact that I haven’t chronicled my daughters in these traditional ways really gets to me. I wish I was better at these things.
But when it comes to motherhood, more and more I’m striving for honest, not perfect. Take these photos of Charlotte during her microphone check for Annie. (Did I mention she had a lead orphan part in the local production of Annie? Oh wait I did? Ok then…) When I saw some of the leads doing their sound checks one by one in an empty theater these photos were immediately in my head. They didn’t come out exactly as I had envisioned, but I’m so happy to have these behind the scenes photos of her right before she performed in her first musical. I realize these photos are not the same as elaborate scrapbooks or detailed journals but they are honest and they represent how I mother. My journal is my camera – not the random iPhone shots I get but the deliberate, thought out photos I take to chronicle my daughters as they grow. I hope these photos will always remind Charlotte to chase her dreams, to lean into her fears, to step proudly into her spotlight.
It will never be perfect, but it will always be honest.